A Parenting Guide to the Holidays
The holidays can be tricky when you’re parenting across two households. Between school breaks, family traditions, and winter travel, it’s a season where clear planning matters more than ever. The good news: with some foresight and collaboration, you can create a holiday season that still feels joyful, steady, and child-centered.
1. Start With Your Parenting Plan
Some former spouses continue to celebrate holidays with their children or are able to make whatever arrangements work best for holidays in a particular year. If that is not the case for you, the written parenting plan is a court order and has to be followed.
Take a few minutes early in the season to review what your plan says about:
holiday allocations for this year
start/end times for breaks
alternating-year provisions
It’s easy to confuse details of your plan from year to year, so doing this helps avoid misunderstandings that could lead to returning to court.
2. Communicate Early and Keep It Transparent
Holiday calendars fill up fast, so it helps to talk through plans (or communicate in writing) before things get hectic. It’s important to be sure you are both on the same page about details like pick-up and drop-off times, school holiday events, extended-family gatherings, and travel. The clearer the communication, the smoother the holiday will feel for your children.
3. Align on Gifts and Experiences
Parenting plans don’t cover gift-giving, so coordinating with your co-parent can prevent duplication or stress. A quick conversation about budgets, larger wish-list items, or special outings — like visiting Santa or seeing holiday lights — helps keep things balanced and focused on the kids rather than logistics.
4. Honor Traditions — And Be Open to New Ones
Traditions carry meaning, and they may look different after separation. Some traditions may stay with one parent, others may rotate, and some new ones may emerge naturally. If your plan alternates holidays year by year, think about smaller traditions you can maintain regardless of the schedule. What matters most is creating a sense of continuity and connection for your children. They are less concerned about whose holiday it is this year than they are about having an anxiety-free holiday with both parents. If it’s not your year to see them on the actual holiday, assure them you will be happy to celebrate with them regardless of the day.
5. Look Out for Your Children’s Emotional Needs… and Your Own
The holidays can bring up a lot of feelings — excitement, nostalgia, even sadness. Acknowledge what your children are experiencing, reassure them they don’t have to manage anyone else’s emotions, and let them express themselves at their own pace. If they tell you they miss a parent or a tradition, reassure them that it’s normal to feel that way and ask what you can do to help them feel better. Children are resilient if they feel heard and supported. And remember to take care of yourself, too. It’s okay to reach out for support from family and friends when needed.
A Final Note
You don’t have to make holidays perfect — the goal is to make them stable and loving for your children. If you are having issues with your former spouse about what the schedule will be or any other matter, try to resolve them ahead of time, without the involvement of your children, so that they remember the holiday and not the conflict between their parents. That way the holidays will continue to be meaningful and joyful for your children.
If questions come up about your holiday schedule or you’re unsure how your parenting plan applies, Friedman & Mirman is here to help. Our team offers practical guidance and experienced support so you can move through the season with confidence and peace of mind.